What does “acting your age” even mean?
It sounds reasonable, right up until it suddenly doesn’t.
Because what are we really being asked to do?
Tone it down?
Blend in?
Stop wanting certain things?
Stop behaving in ways that make other people uncomfortable?
For many of us, this message didn’t start in adulthood. We heard it early, when we were kids.
When we were too loud.
Too expressive.
Too curious.
Too serious.
Too much.
“Act your age” was often shorthand for conform.
Stay within the lines.
Don’t ruffle feathers.
Make yourself easier to manage.
And even if no one says it out loud anymore, the message lingers.
It hums beneath our decisions like background noise:
Is this appropriate?
Is this too much?
What will people think?
You might even catch yourself wondering whether people are talking about you when you’re not in the room.
What’s interesting is that “acting your age” has no fixed definition. It changes depending on who’s saying it, what they’re comfortable with, and what they expect from you.
That’s why it’s such a slippery rule to live by.
As we get older, many of us begin to realize something important:
External rules become less useful than internal guidance.
You start to notice when something feels off, even if it looks fine on paper.
You recognize when you’re saying yes out of habit instead of honesty.
You feel the difference between something that stretches you in a good way and something that simply drains you.
That inner knowing isn’t rebellion.
It’s experience.
It’s discernment.
It’s courage rising to the surface.
So maybe the better question isn’t “Am I acting my age?”
Maybe it’s:
Does this feel true to who I am now?Does this add to my life, or quietly diminish it?Am I choosing this, or defaulting to expectation?
Because “acting your age” often just means acting in a way that keeps other people comfortable.
And comfort is not the same thing as truth.
If you’ve ever felt pressure to edit yourself to fit an unspoken rule, and also felt relief when you didn’t, you’re not alone.
You don’t need a script.
You don’t need to fit a mold.
You don’t need to pass an invisible test of appropriateness.
You need permission to trust what you know.
You deserve to feel free.
Kate McKay is an IFBB Bikini Pro, author, and coach focused on strength, clarity, and living fully without outsourcing your life to outdated rules.
P.S. My upcoming book Age Out Loud explores exactly this, how to build strength, live with clarity, and stop shrinking to meet expectations that no longer fit.
If you’d like to join the waiting list, you’ll also receive a free gift: The Clean Eats Playbook.
👉 Link here!
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