There are moments in life that seem like no big deal when they happen.
A comment.
A look.
A laugh that lands wrong.
Nothing dramatic. Nobody screaming.
And yet, decades later, you’re still living inside it.
For me, it was light blue.
When I was 13, maybe 14, my girlfriend looked me up and down and said:
“You don’t look good in light blue. It washes you out.”
That was it.
Here’s the part that still gets me. I loved that outfit. I felt pretty in it. Confident. Alive. Comfortable in my skin.
And just like that?
Light blue was done.
Not because it didn’t suit me.
But because somebody else’s opinion quietly turned into a rule.
A rule I followed without even realizing it, for years.
That’s how this works.
Not always with cruelty. Most of the time, it’s more insidious than that.
Offhand comments. Side remarks. “Just being honest.”
We don’t argue with them.
We absorb them.
And then we build our whole dang lives around never being that again.
The Shutdown That Never Left
One of my clients, a grown, successful man, told me about being called out in class as a kid.
Put on the spot.
All eyes on him.
His mind went blank. Face burned. Chest tight.
He ran to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall.
When he told me the story, he said quietly,
“I think part of me is still there.”
And yeah. I knew exactly what he meant.
Because time doesn’t erase moments like that.
We don’t “get over” them.
We just get better at living around them.
Every time he’s asked to speak up, take up space, or be seen, his body reacts like it’s still that kid—quiet, cornered, trying not to be noticed.
That’s not weakness.
That’s conditioning.
When Enjoyment Becomes a Problem
Another client, Sue, grew up loving food.
Not compulsively.
Not rebelliously.
She just enjoyed it.
At a family event, someone laughed and said,
“If you keep eating like that, you’re going to be obese.”
Everybody chuckled.
And just like that, Sue learned something, not about food, but about herself.
She learned that pleasure was dangerous.
That being seen enjoying something made her a target.
That desire invited judgment.
So she shrank.
Not just her appetite, her joy.
For years, she felt watched anytime she showed enthusiasm for anything: food, success, happiness, desire.
That’s what shame does.
It doesn’t correct behavior.
It cages aliveness.
What It Actually Means to Be Undeterred
Being undeterred doesn’t mean nothing ever hurt you.
It means you stop letting old wounds run today’s decisions.
It means you stop living a life edited by other people’s unresolved issues, projections, and insecurities.
And no, this isn’t about “thinking positive” or “just letting it go.”
That’s lazy advice.
This is a process.
And it lives in the body, not just the head.
1. Name It
You can’t heal what you refuse to name.
Say it straight:
That comment made me shrink.
That moment taught me to doubt myself.
That shame still lives in my body.
Naming isn’t blame.
It’s power.
2. Feel It Without Letting It Run You
Don’t rush past it.
Don’t downplay it.
Feel the embarrassment. The anger. The grief.
Not forever, but honestly.
Feelings move when they’re allowed.
They harden when they’re buried.
3. Forgive Yourself—and Them
Forgive yourself for believing it.
For adapting.
For surviving the only way you knew how.
And forgive others, not because it was okay, but because carrying resentment keeps you stuck in a moment that already took enough.
Forgiveness isn’t approval.
It’s release.
4. Drop the Old Rule
Ask yourself:
What did I stop doing because of that moment?
What part of me did I quiet?
Then stop obeying the rule.
You don’t need to relive it.
You just stop letting it run you.
5. Let It Show Up in Real Life
This is where change actually happens.
You wear the color.
You say the thing.
You enjoy what you enjoy without explaining yourself.
Your body relearns safety through action—not overthinking.
6. Protect What Was Once Shamed
This part matters.
Where you were told you were too loud, too sensitive, too indulgent, too ambitious—that’s where your gift lives.
Protect that place in others.
Name it.
Don’t shrink it.
Because the places you were shamed are often the places you’re meant to lead.
Undeterred Is a Choice: Again and Again
Undeterred doesn’t mean fearless.
It means loyal to yourself.
It means you stop letting childhood moments write adult scripts.
It means you reclaim what was never wrong in the first place.
Wear the light blue.
Take up space.
Enjoy your life.
And when that old voice shows up, and it will, you don’t fight it.
You look it dead in the eye and say:
“I see you. I’m moving forward anyway.”
That’s undeterred.
Ready to Reset?
If this hit, you already know why.
If there’s a comment, a moment, or a pattern that’s still quietly running you, I offer Reboot Calls. These are honest, focused conversations to help you stop living around old rules and start moving forward undeterred.
👉 Book your Reboot Call here!
Because keeping the peace ain’t free.
And you already know what it costs.
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